2 + 1 = 3? Pt 3

Here we go again, another weekly update.


This week I have had conversations with a lot of people and been given some 'choice' advice. I now have a group of women who read these certain posts and have shared their own experiences with me too, in private . So hi 


:) 



I wish I could say that I feel one single emotion this week, but I don't! There have been a few significant feelings. I think the whole situation is very confusing for everyone involved.  This is similar to walking on a tightrope you have to be careful not to fall too far one way. 


The first thing I ahve to talk about is something that actually made me piss myself laughing, I'm actually crying with laughter now thinking about it

'Daddy'

The funny: I was sitting with my OH's (other halfs)  little boy about a month ago looking through a paper and as a joke I pointed at a picture of Yoda and said 'Look there's daddy', and he copied me. I'd completely forgotten about it until Friday I was pushing him in a buggy up the high street and he shouted 'look there's daddy' and pointed at a display in the Vodafone shop window with Yoda in it. I was absolutely crying with laughter and my boyfriend looked mortified. HAHAHAHAHA 

The ugly: One thing that I really don't like is the amount that his son hits people. So yeah he's only small, but I  hate being hit by anyone and I worked in a nursery and children his age and younger didn't hit or hurt other people. I don't know why he does it and I never know what to say to my OH sometimes. His son scratched him really badly during a tantrum and punches him if my OH tells him off and he randomly starts hitting me when I walk near him or hug his daddy and hits other people, and it's like 'Why the frick do you put up with that?'

 I helped bring up family members the same age and they NEVER hit because they know it's bad. If they ever hit anybody they'd be put on the naughty step straight away, especially if it was a girl that they hit so I find it really hard to tolerate sometimes.  I ain't criticizing his parenting but it just annoys me because he is obviously hurt. Like when his son scratched him, and I mean he drew blood and it was a deep scratch, I was like 'Dude wtf your kid just hurt you badly' and my OH was just like 'Oh it's fine, it didn't even hurt'

Crazy.

The Awkward: One thing that makes my OH and me feel awkward is the fact that his little boy keeps looking out the window and shouting his brothers name and pointing at photos of my OH as a kid and shouting his brothers name.  It just makes everything so awkward. This (and this don't half sound poetic) blanket of awkwardness descends and envelops everything in the room when he does it. Like everyone has forgotten that the mother and his brother exist and you're rudely brung back to earth.  Bless his cottons he must be so confused with people trampling in and out of his life.

The sweet: The little one has invented a very sweet new game.  He will point at something scream and shout 'I scared, I want a cuddle'. Very cute, although I get the impression he does it for the hugs ;) It's things like that that make it all worth it. 

The bad: Sometimes the little one is a total brat. He whines if you don't give him attention, he whines that your not doing things right. He whines if you pay attention to someone else, like if I hug his dad he runs over and starts shouting 'My daddy go away' and hitting me and screaming on the floor. He refuses to say please or thank you (really) and it grinds me down because all the whining makes me wanna scream and run away. I don't know how my boyfriend feels if I feel that way!

 He gets everything he wants on demand from my OH and his grandparents and is quite spoilt and if you dare to say no, all fricken hell breaks loose.  I worked with children for two years AND look after my family children and they know that NO MEANS NO and none of the other children acted up like my OH's son does. It's painful to watch sometimes knowing that you have no say in the discipline. The thing is my OH's parents butt-in a lot with the childcare and I don't know if he feels the same way. Is this bad ? 

The difficult: (Avert your eyes if you wish) For some reason, whenever my OH is with his son I feel no attraction towards him whatsoever. It's like when his son walks through the door all sexual attraction goes and sometimes I get really funny about my other half even touching me when he is with his son. I have NO idea why! I've researched it and talked to someone about it and they've said it's normal for me to not want him to touch me and it's good that it passes and I can have a normal relationship with him without his son there but I feel bad.  He picks upon me not wanting him to touch me too, and i dread to think how that makes him feel. 

Apparently it's several things that cause this. Ones a 'primal' thing: he's had a child with someone else, so my body sends me signals to go away because he has already mated with somebody and doesn't need a new mate. Another theory is alienation: I think it is both because whenever I don't want him to touch me it's when I feel at my most alienated and I feel like I shouldn't be within five foot of him. Another problem is the fact that if I do hug his daddy on the sofa, the little one will push me away and I'm just sat there alone at the other end of the sofa like a fricken gooseberry! Is this normal? Does it pass? I feel bad for everything that I write!  :(

I really want to finish this post on a lighthearted note and I'm going to share something with you that melted my heart.

I try to read stories to and with him and let him 'read' them to me. Every time I go there we look at a book together so before I came over to see him and my OH last week I put a few books in my bag for him to read. After my OH picked him up I said 'Hello I've got a present for you, I've got you some new stories!' When we got into my OH's house, his little one ran straight up the stairs and my OH was trying to manhandle a dog and his sons bags and keep the door from shutting on me so I said 'I'll go after him'.  When I got up stairs the little one was trying to jump up onto the bed which I thought was weird so I helped him up and he started shouting 'story' and I realized he'd raced upstairs for me to read to him! After not seeing me for over a month, for him to have remembered our 'story times' together, melted my heart.

Like I said in my first post, you need to be sure and know about every part of the experience to come before getting with a guy with a kid. Feel free to contact me private or publicly with your views or experiences

That is all for this week.

The incessant rambler x

I need to lay off the cheese

I had such a girl dream last night but I wanted to blog about it because it was fucked up and Gary Lucy is HOT. I also think someone is spiking my bedtime cup of tea with acid. 

I was going out with Kyle Pascoe. This is Kyle Pascoe. 

Kyle Pascoe, from ITV1  series Footballers Wives.

We were lounging around drinking champagne in a bar with our friends and I had all swishy hair, like in a Herbal Essences advert and a nice dress and we were milling around chatting when he proposed to me with a huge ring and everyone was congratulating us. Then we sat down and he said we were throwing a Greek themed party (wtf) and I'd need a new dress. I started moaning that I have no money so he just gave me a wodge of cash and said 'here babe here's 3 grand go and get us some dinner and yourself a pair of shoes' and I proceeded to thank him in typical WAG fashion ;) 

 So I got in a taxi and somehow ended up in the reduced aisle in Tesco (if i was a footballers wife surely I'd be in Dean and DeLuca or Harrods, not pissing Tesco) and I kept getting pizza off the shelf and putting it on another one. Then I was looking for the toilet and I walked into a nursery in the toilet (wtf again) and all the children were sitting in front of the toilet cubicle at a long table and everytime I tried to get to the toilet the children were all reaching out for me with sticky hands and making my dress fall off so I ran out where Kyle was waiting and we went up this huge hill in a taxi.  

 When we were in the taxi all these people started chasing it and I was screaming and hitting Kyle with my handbag. (This I would actually do) and a bloke with a prosthetic leg jumped in the car next to me and told me he was in love with me and my fiancee, so I started hitting him with the handbag and he said 'right now you've asked for this' and was suddenly topless and started taking his prosthetic leg off and Kyle jumped out the car and ran away into the distance (typical footballer)and Prosthetic Leg man started turning pink and just started at me laughing and I was shouting 'WTF GET OUT OF MY CAR' and he kept laughing.

Then I woke up. 

Seriously WTF, pink men with missing legs, children in the toilet, marrying footballers. I think I took one too many spoonfuls of cough syrup!