Pity the fate of young fellows, too long in bed with no sleep. With their complex romantic attachments, look on their sorrows and weep. They don't get a moments reflection there's always a crowd in their eye. Pity the plight of young fellows, regard all their worries and cry - John Cooper-Clarke
I was so bloody stupid, I try and make everybody happy at all times, always putting myself in the back seat if it means making everyone else happy. Sometimes I say things to make someone feel better not realising that other people could see it another way and it always ends up with me in trouble, if you see what I mean?
Because of this I have been told I have to choose between my boyfriend and three very good friends
. I've been given ultimatums before and this was the hardest to deal with. Three friends who've helped me deal with shit ex's, my mums alcoholism and helped me when I was dealing with grief and depression. I would give anything to speak to them again. We may not have been 100% truthful to each other at times but we became friends through helping each other deal with problems. I wouldn't care if I found out my friends were actually 90year old grannies, who'd been lying to me for three years... they've helped me in my darkest hour and that is what makes us three friends, not the material things like ages, watches and jobs. My boyfriend struggles to see this. Don't we all have secrets from our friends? He had his own secret he hid from everybody and I never judged him for that. I never judged anyone for it. Unless they were like a paedophile or something lol
but then you have my boyfriend. Somebody who when I met him was a heavy drinker and drug taker and in a really dark place, he says he never loved anyone (not even family) until he met me. I could see him on the road to destruction and I helped him rebuild his life and he is a totally new person now. He's straight edge and has got all the sources of depression out of his life. He has come so far on his own merit and with some help from me. We've been through more together in a year then most couples go through in a decade. He is sweet, quirky and funny as just needs somebody to love him as he's never had love before. He has cured himself of his deamons and is a very commendable young man who should be so proud of himself. He wants to get married and that is his life ambiton to have a wife and a family and I'd love to be part of that. He is a very special guy.
GAHHHH
I MISS MY FRIENDS. I just want to talk to P about how hard it is to find a bra and D about a good place to get a steak in London when I take my bf out for his birthday and to see George Groves fight.
I MISS THEM I MISS THEM I MISS THEM
but I love my bf so much.
but I don't want to upset my bf. I'm hoping we can work out a compromise something so I can have those three back in my life again, while keeping my boyfriend, who is SO important to me and my future happy.
PLEASE CAN EVERYONE JUST GIVE ME A BREAK.
I also really need a long heart to heart with a non-judgemental friend.
All of this because I can't resist trying to make everyone happy and feel good. I didn't want ANYTHING to turn out like this.
I am so sorry for everything Shane xxx
I am so sorry for everything Shane xxx
I am getting so ill with the stress, I keep passing it off as a cold but I have a constant stress headache that feels like 100 elephants standing on my head, stubbing cigarettes out with their feet. My jaw is so tight and my eyes hurt I can't sleep. It's brought back horrible emotions that I dont want to be feeling. I'm trying to grieve and dealing with all this too is physically killing me. My body is in shutdown mode almost. I feel weak and am off my food. I dont think my bf has noticed :( I'll be dead by christmas at this rate!
Someone please help me bef
