This week I have had conversations with a lot of people and been given some 'choice' advice. I now have a group of women who read these certain posts and have shared their own experiences with me too, in private . So hi
:)
I wish I could say that I feel one single emotion this week, but I don't! There have been a few significant feelings. I think the whole situation is very confusing for everyone involved. This is similar to walking on a tightrope you have to be careful not to fall too far one way.
The first thing I ahve to talk about is something that actually made me piss myself laughing, I'm actually crying with laughter now thinking about it
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| 'Daddy' The funny: I was sitting with my OH's (other halfs) little boy about a month ago looking through a paper and as a joke I pointed at a picture of Yoda and said 'Look there's daddy', and he copied me. I'd completely forgotten about it until Friday I was pushing him in a buggy up the high street and he shouted 'look there's daddy' and pointed at a display in the Vodafone shop window with Yoda in it. I was absolutely crying with laughter and my boyfriend looked mortified. HAHAHAHAHA The ugly: One thing that I really don't like is the amount that his son hits people. So yeah he's only small, but I hate being hit by anyone and I worked in a nursery and children his age and younger didn't hit or hurt other people. I don't know why he does it and I never know what to say to my OH sometimes. His son scratched him really badly during a tantrum and punches him if my OH tells him off and he randomly starts hitting me when I walk near him or hug his daddy and hits other people, and it's like 'Why the frick do you put up with that?' I helped bring up family members the same age and they NEVER hit because they know it's bad. If they ever hit anybody they'd be put on the naughty step straight away, especially if it was a girl that they hit so I find it really hard to tolerate sometimes. I ain't criticizing his parenting but it just annoys me because he is obviously hurt. Like when his son scratched him, and I mean he drew blood and it was a deep scratch, I was like 'Dude wtf your kid just hurt you badly' and my OH was just like 'Oh it's fine, it didn't even hurt' Crazy. The Awkward: One thing that makes my OH and me feel awkward is the fact that his little boy keeps looking out the window and shouting his brothers name and pointing at photos of my OH as a kid and shouting his brothers name. It just makes everything so awkward. This (and this don't half sound poetic) blanket of awkwardness descends and envelops everything in the room when he does it. Like everyone has forgotten that the mother and his brother exist and you're rudely brung back to earth. Bless his cottons he must be so confused with people trampling in and out of his life. The sweet: The little one has invented a very sweet new game. He will point at something scream and shout 'I scared, I want a cuddle'. Very cute, although I get the impression he does it for the hugs ;) It's things like that that make it all worth it. The bad: Sometimes the little one is a total brat. He whines if you don't give him attention, he whines that your not doing things right. He whines if you pay attention to someone else, like if I hug his dad he runs over and starts shouting 'My daddy go away' and hitting me and screaming on the floor. He refuses to say please or thank you (really) and it grinds me down because all the whining makes me wanna scream and run away. I don't know how my boyfriend feels if I feel that way! He gets everything he wants on demand from my OH and his grandparents and is quite spoilt and if you dare to say no, all fricken hell breaks loose. I worked with children for two years AND look after my family children and they know that NO MEANS NO and none of the other children acted up like my OH's son does. It's painful to watch sometimes knowing that you have no say in the discipline. The thing is my OH's parents butt-in a lot with the childcare and I don't know if he feels the same way. Is this bad ? The difficult: (Avert your eyes if you wish) For some reason, whenever my OH is with his son I feel no attraction towards him whatsoever. It's like when his son walks through the door all sexual attraction goes and sometimes I get really funny about my other half even touching me when he is with his son. I have NO idea why! I've researched it and talked to someone about it and they've said it's normal for me to not want him to touch me and it's good that it passes and I can have a normal relationship with him without his son there but I feel bad. He picks upon me not wanting him to touch me too, and i dread to think how that makes him feel. Apparently it's several things that cause this. Ones a 'primal' thing: he's had a child with someone else, so my body sends me signals to go away because he has already mated with somebody and doesn't need a new mate. Another theory is alienation: I think it is both because whenever I don't want him to touch me it's when I feel at my most alienated and I feel like I shouldn't be within five foot of him. Another problem is the fact that if I do hug his daddy on the sofa, the little one will push me away and I'm just sat there alone at the other end of the sofa like a fricken gooseberry! Is this normal? Does it pass? I feel bad for everything that I write! :( I really want to finish this post on a lighthearted note and I'm going to share something with you that melted my heart. I try to read stories to and with him and let him 'read' them to me. Every time I go there we look at a book together so before I came over to see him and my OH last week I put a few books in my bag for him to read. After my OH picked him up I said 'Hello I've got a present for you, I've got you some new stories!' When we got into my OH's house, his little one ran straight up the stairs and my OH was trying to manhandle a dog and his sons bags and keep the door from shutting on me so I said 'I'll go after him'. When I got up stairs the little one was trying to jump up onto the bed which I thought was weird so I helped him up and he started shouting 'story' and I realized he'd raced upstairs for me to read to him! After not seeing me for over a month, for him to have remembered our 'story times' together, melted my heart. Like I said in my first post, you need to be sure and know about every part of the experience to come before getting with a guy with a kid. Feel free to contact me private or publicly with your views or experiences That is all for this week. The incessant rambler x |
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