I need to lay off the cheese

I had such a girl dream last night but I wanted to blog about it because it was fucked up and Gary Lucy is HOT. I also think someone is spiking my bedtime cup of tea with acid. 

I was going out with Kyle Pascoe. This is Kyle Pascoe. 

Kyle Pascoe, from ITV1  series Footballers Wives.

We were lounging around drinking champagne in a bar with our friends and I had all swishy hair, like in a Herbal Essences advert and a nice dress and we were milling around chatting when he proposed to me with a huge ring and everyone was congratulating us. Then we sat down and he said we were throwing a Greek themed party (wtf) and I'd need a new dress. I started moaning that I have no money so he just gave me a wodge of cash and said 'here babe here's 3 grand go and get us some dinner and yourself a pair of shoes' and I proceeded to thank him in typical WAG fashion ;) 

 So I got in a taxi and somehow ended up in the reduced aisle in Tesco (if i was a footballers wife surely I'd be in Dean and DeLuca or Harrods, not pissing Tesco) and I kept getting pizza off the shelf and putting it on another one. Then I was looking for the toilet and I walked into a nursery in the toilet (wtf again) and all the children were sitting in front of the toilet cubicle at a long table and everytime I tried to get to the toilet the children were all reaching out for me with sticky hands and making my dress fall off so I ran out where Kyle was waiting and we went up this huge hill in a taxi.  

 When we were in the taxi all these people started chasing it and I was screaming and hitting Kyle with my handbag. (This I would actually do) and a bloke with a prosthetic leg jumped in the car next to me and told me he was in love with me and my fiancee, so I started hitting him with the handbag and he said 'right now you've asked for this' and was suddenly topless and started taking his prosthetic leg off and Kyle jumped out the car and ran away into the distance (typical footballer)and Prosthetic Leg man started turning pink and just started at me laughing and I was shouting 'WTF GET OUT OF MY CAR' and he kept laughing.

Then I woke up. 

Seriously WTF, pink men with missing legs, children in the toilet, marrying footballers. I think I took one too many spoonfuls of cough syrup!